Who Are You Becoming?

When you move abroad—especially with a family, or in the midst of a midlife awakening—there’s more going on than packing bags and booking flights. You’re not just changing countries. You’re fundamentally changing you.

One of the most liberating (and at times disorienting) parts of living abroad is that your old identity doesn’t travel with you quite as neatly as your luggage. The roles and routines that once defined you may no longer fit in this new context. And that’s not a loss, but an opening.

From full-time professional to ever-present parent

Take me. Before we moved, I was working full-time in an industry I loved. My days were packed, my calendar color-coded, and my sense of self was built on how much I could get done and how well I could do it. I thrived on being the go-to person—the one with the answers, the plan, the momentum. And I was going to continue working that job once we moved, it was how we initially applied for our visas. I was thrilled.

Then I lost that job. Then our visas arrived. Then came the move.

It didn’t make sense to find new full-time work right away. Suddenly, I was no longer “the expert.” I was the one asking where to find groceries and how the bus system worked. I had fewer work hours and more time at home. I became a part-time stay-at-home parent, juggling school drop-offs with unfamiliar errands and language-learning apps. At first, I felt adrift. Without my job title or packed schedule, I found myself wondering, Who am I now?

But slowly, something has shifted.

I began to notice that I was present in a way I hadn’t been before. Not just physically—although yes, I was there for school pick-ups and family dinners—but emotionally and mentally. I wasn’t sneaking glances at my inbox mid-conversation. I wasn’t thinking three steps ahead. I was truly there.

It wasn’t just about spending more time with my family. It was about how I spent it. I noticed the small things again: the stories my kids shared after school, the way the wind picks up every afternoon, the unhurried rhythm of a walk to the mercado. These weren’t dramatic moments, but they were grounding ones. They were reminders that presence is its own kind of achievement.

A life rewritten, not replicated

This shift in pace opened up space for me to explore new parts of myself. I picked up hobbies I never would have prioritized before. I signed up for Portuguese—not just to survive day-to-day life, but to connect. A way to open up to our new community and into a new version of me.

What I realized is that moving abroad gave me permission to rewrite my own story. It was more than adapting, it was reinventing. We often think of identity as something fixed: “I’m a lawyer.” “I’m an expat.” “I’m a parent.” But identity is more like clay than stone, it can be reshaped.

This redefinition isn’t always comfortable, but it’s rich with possibility. It asks us to get curious. To let go of the need to recreate the life we left behind and instead ask, What kind of life do I want to create now?

Showing our kids what growth looks like

This kind of reinvention doesn’t just impact us—it shapes what our children see and believe is possible. When they watch us try, stumble, adapt, and grow, they learn that transformation is normal. That it’s okay to start from scratch. That learning something new, even when it’s hard, is worth it.

We often tell our kids to be brave, to be open-minded, to try new things. But when they see us living those values and reinventing ourselves, they truly absorb the lesson.

We give them a gift when we model change. Definitely not always polished, but the messy, honest process of growth. We show them that starting over isn’t failure.

So if you’re in the middle of a big transition—moving to a new country, changing careers, rethinking your lifestyle—remember: the reason you make change is to change. Not just your location or your logistics, but you.

Let that be your compass. Don’t rush to recreate your old life in a new place. Give yourself the space to evolve. To stretch. To try on new roles and let go of old ones. Because the beauty of starting over isn’t just about geography—it’s about transformation.

So I’ll ask you again:
Who are you becoming?

Until next time,

Benn (+ Melissa)

P.S. Don’t forget, we’ve got a live AMA happening Thursday, May 22 at 4 pm ET. Can’t make it? Register for the event and we’ll send a recording of the session.

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